“Why can’t she …” was the beginning of a question I’d heard from my wife a million times or more since we’ve been married. I always try to provide a creative answer which, this day, was “why can’t you just accept that leopards have spots?”
My wife is a bit of an idealist. She thinks everyone should treat others with respect, courtesy, and compassion. But we’re talking about family here, and families just don’t abide by the same rules as the rest of civil society. And this particular individual reacts to disagreeable events like a shark whose gotten a taste of blood. You don’t want to be anywhere in the vicinity when this happens.
As soon as the battle has begun, my wife hears about it, usually via email. Each party then delivers to her their side of the dispute, along with any and all supporting materials, which often includes detailed reference to grievances and injustices from the distant past. In addition, each one of them actively petitions my wife’s support and adjudication in the matter.
Ignoring my suggestion to refrain from responding, my wife puts on her diplomatic attire and attempts to diffuse the matter in a most rational and reasonable manner. It’s only a matter of time before they will decide that my wife’s noncommittal attitude is somehow part of the problem and she will be accused of being unsupportive and uncaring and … etc.
And then I will hear another question that I’ve also heard far too many times, “Why can’t they …”
Yes, it’s a fair question. Why can’t we just get along? Why can’t we just be nice to each other? There’s always a good reason, a justification, for our behavior. We’re exceptionally good at accounting for our actions and reactions.
When I was young people used to debate important issues. Nowadays it appears to be more of a spectator sport, a free-for-all where everyone with an opinion is jostling for a position on the scoreboard. Unfortunately, nobody is listening to anyone else’s opinion.
I guess when you step back far enough, the whole world looks like one big family. Ah! Now I think I understand why we act the way we do towards each other.